Every time a new year starts, people imagine that they have a spine and that it’s made from diamonds and titanium. So yes, they cry, I shall change my life. They believe they will fire up their immense willpower and use it to defeat their cravings for potatoes and beer and that instead of slobbing in front of the television on a Sunday afternoon, they will strap on their trainers and go for a fun run. Some even join a gym.
And then at about 11 o’clock in the morning on January 4th, they look in the mirror, see that nothing of any consequence has happened to their bodies and the misery of living clean simply isn’t worth the effort.
The human being is a flawed design. We have the intellectual capacity to work out what is good for us, but most of us can’t be bothered to do anything about it. Science and painstaking research recently determined that Mounjaro is eating my muscles and that to counteract this I absolutely must do weights in the gym. So, what am I going to do about that? Come off Mounjaro probably. I really can’t abide being out of breath.
All of which brings me on to the debate about global warming. “Yes,” we all bellowed a few years ago, “we must think about our grandchildren and do something immediately to reduce the amount of carbon dioxide that we are producing.”
So people fitted ground‑source heating to their houses, bought reusable water bottles and swapped their proper car for a Tesla. Greta Thunberg was invented. Ed Miliband was elected. And there was much steeliness in our resolve.
But here we are, a couple of years down the line, and the weather is still being weathery, so everyone is giving up. The Green Party has turned red, Greta has decided that Palestine is the thing, and those soup throwers at Extinction Rebellion now reckon taxing the rich is more important than a few dead cormorants.
In the world of cars the reverse ferret is even more pronounced. Five years ago all the big manufacturers were making strong EV noises, but now Volvo, Porsche, Ford, Stellantis, Honda and Toyota are saying that it’s not worth the effort. Certainly I have my doubts that the funny‑looking Jaguar will ever see the light of day.
One of the reasons for this volte‑face is that China has a stranglehold on most of the raw materials needed to make an electric car, and low labour costs. Europe, America and Japan simply cannot compete. But an even bigger issue is that customers just aren’t interested.
I have listened to the arguments put forward by evangelical former colleagues of mine about why electric power makes sense in a car. Even James May now seems to be on the bandwagon. But they’re all forgetting something important. We are human beings, so fundamentally we like life to be as convenient as possible. We don’t like to traipse round six different shops when we can get all that we need in the supermarket. And we don’t want to waste an hour charging an electric car when we’ve spent the last 50 years filling the petrol tank in a couple of minutes. Maybe if the electric car was cheaper we’d consider it. But it isn’t.
There’s another thing too. The oil isn’t running out. We know there are lakes of the stuff under the North Sea, Saudi Arabia has proven reserves to last for over 100 years and we're still discovering new oil fields under the Med. And then there’s the other big problem. Multiple European governments made all sorts of green promises to get elected only to realise they get billions a year from fuel duty. Which is important in the new union they’re trying to create, where work is a dirty word.
So actually the last thing they need is net zero. And that’s why some governments, like the one in Britain, are now slapping a pay‑as‑you‑go scheme on people with plug‑in hybrids. Yup. You pay fuel duty on the petrol and another duty on the electric power. I’m not sure the people in charge are very bright. They don't even know how the new tax will be worked out, but maybe it won’t be necessary. Because who, in their right mind, would now buy a plug‑in hybrid?
As the answer to that is “no one”, let’s review an actual car. Specifically, the new Mercedes AMG CLE Coupé, which has a sonorous and turbocharged 3.0‑litre, inline six‑cylinder engine that sends 443 brake horsepower through a nine‑speed gearbox to all four wheels.
It is also fitted with a mild‑hybrid system that chucks in a measly 22 horsepower that is mainly used to smooth the stop/start facility in traffic. And will that put it in the English Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rachel Reeves' sights? No. She’s not bothered about electricity created by burning petrol. Only electricity that comes from one of Ed Miliband's solar farms.
Anyway, the car. Let’s start with the looks. In recent years Mercedes has rather lost its way on the styling front but the mojo’s back with this one. Pillarless doors mean you can drive with the front and back windows down and there’s no B‑pillar. I’m a sucker for that. And an even bigger sucker for flared arches. The Mitsubishi Starion, the original Toyota Supra, the Audi Quattro, even Steed’s Jag from The Avengers. They all looked good because of their bulging wings. And so does this CLE.
Oh, and if you want to make it even better looking, go for the 3,250 USD optional “blue magno” paint (although the graphite grey magno that's pictured here isn't bad either), and team it with some 1,150 USD 20-inch Y‑spoke matte‑black wheels. Yes, these aren't cheap options but they’ll make you happy.
Inside it is a very nice place to sit, at night especially when everything is lit up. And while this may be a two‑door coupé, there really is space in the cockpit for 2+2. Lisa sat in the back on one trip and didn’t moan at all, even though her legs are longer than the M1.
And then we get to the way this car drives. It says AMG on the back, so you expect it to be a bit harsh, but no. It glides. And there’s even a facility on the sat‑nav system that warns you of upcoming potholes so you are never uncomfortable.
Does that mean it’s too soft and heavy to be much of a firecracker in the corners? Nope. It’s a joy to hustle. I loathe four‑wheel steering in luxury cars, but in a sportscoupé like this it’s worth its weight. And you can carry on enjoying the power and the grip and the noise after it goes dark because the headlamps on this thing are like the lights they fit to the front of airliners. You don’t blind oncoming drivers. You melt them.
So, a pretty brilliant all‑round car. Mainly because it’s not an annoying electric appliance. It’s a car that was made by a company that has been making cars for 125 years and has become extremely good at it.
