Have you ever considered what your under garments say about you or are you happily oblivious to the thought that they expose your naked truth? Bespoke is here to help, humorously revealing the generalisations behind your personal choices.
GENTLEMEN
The Tighty-Whitey
Tighty-whiteys are fine on little boys. For an adult to still be wearing them however, you must be one of two types: blessed with a bodacious body (in which case the whiteys make you seem a little fruity) or unconcerned by societal pressures (in which case the whiteys reveal your nerdy nature.) Either way you must ditch the Y-fronts and move on to some more alluring underwear, please.
Boxers
The general consensus among women is that boxers are sexy (mostly because they cover up a lot and leave something to the imagination). Also, and this says a lot about their universal appeal, if there was a fire in the middle of the night and you had to run out of the house as you are, you’d best do so in a pair of boxers since they are somewhat shorts-like. Anything else would be embarrassing.
Boxer-briefs
Thanks to designers like Calvin Klein and Tommy Hilfiger, the sexy-yet-practical boxer-brief style of underwear burst on to the scene in the 1990s and it has remained a firm favourite ever since. Try a pair for yourself and you’ll see that they do what’s written on the box: they cover up all that needs to be covered, they flatter most body types, they’re manly, and they also give valuable support.
Going Commando
You may think that by ditching any form of underwear, you’re akin to a warrior who’s free from the confines of underwear, the reality is that women will wonder if it’s simply because you’re too lazy to do laundry. Whatever the case, we have to concede that this is a better choice than Y-fronts. A couple of suggestions however: keep the ‘state of your affairs’ to yourself and be careful with zips.
LADIES
Granny Pants
A girl who wears these does so for one of two reasons, she’s either menstruating or has no qualms about making zero effort, either way the message is clear: keep away. If you do not have the luxury of bolting then cherish the little decorations that granny-pants so often have (like tiny ducks, umbrellas, or smiley faces) for those are the closest to cute you’ll be getting anytime soon.
Colours Explained
Nude says: relaxed, with nothing to hide. It denotes a personality that is natural, easy-going, down-to-earth and transparent. Red screams of passion, energy and drive. A woman in red is not shy about asking for what she wants. Pink is the colour of romance, tenderness and affection. Black is for when she’s feeling powerful and sultry. White may be the colour of innocence but she’s open to suggestion.
Thongs
Fact: a girl who’s wearing a thong wants you to check out her assets. Some women will say they wear thongs so that they do not get any VPL (visible panty line) and this is probably true but it does not negate the first statement. You wouldn’t spend insane amounts of money on something that spends all day wedged up where the sun doesn’t shine unless you wanted someone to see it, would you?
Boyshorts
Boyshorts are cute and sexy, and yet they’re comfortable and versatile enough to wear out when your house is on fire (see Boxers for men). Girls who wear boyshorts are normally sexy, sporty, tomboy chicks, which is an attractive combination because they’re cute and playful, they can keep up with the guys during FIFA nights, and they can ski a mountain faster than you can.
