Preliminaries
If you are a guest, wait until you receive your host’s directives. Once you know where to sit do not put your purse, wallet, or mobile phone on the table. Say “please” and “thank you” when passing food. Chew quietly; don’t speak with your mouth full. Put your hands in your lap, alternatively you can put your wrists on the table but never your elbows. Transport food to your mouth, not your mouth to the food. Lastly, discard any wrappers, bones, or olive pits on to your bread plate (the one on the right).
Napkin
Unfold your napkin and place it on your lap as soon as you are seated. Unfold large dinner napkins in half; open luncheon napkins (usually smaller) completely. Always keep the napkin on your lap when seated. If you must leave the table during a meal, place the napkin on your seat. Once the meal is over do not fold the napkin back as it was, rather casually place it on the place mat as this clearly shows that it has been used and is therefore ready for the wash.
Order
Never ever begin eating before the host. It is especially important to make sure that everyone has been served before you start eating and only begin out of order if your host has encouraged you to do so. Even if the meal has a buffet service, the same rules apply - fill your plate but do not start until directed to do so. Also in family-style service, pass the food from the left to the right.
Silverware
No matter how formal or casual the event, the silverware is set on the table in the order it will be used, from the outside in. For example, silverware that is used first is found on the farthest left and right sides of the plate. Knives are placed with their cutting edge toward the dinner plate, except for the butter knife. Never put used silverware on the table.
China
The only pieces of china that are part of a table setting are the bread plate and a charger or service plate, if it is used. A charger is an oversized plate used for decoration; food is never served on it. Soup bowls are placed on top of the charger (if used). The charger is usually cleared with the bowl or plate.
Cutting
Slice food with the correct knife - normally meat and fish have specialised knives. Slice carefully making sure to not make any rash movements and do not ever stab at your food. Take modest portions, and cut your meat one piece at a time, never all a once. Also make sure you always break your bread with your hands, avoiding the faux pas of cutting your bread with a knife.
Seasoning
Always taste your food before seasoning. You may prefer your food with a lot of spice but who is to say the chef hasn’t already added enough? The same goes for salt, reaching for the salt cellar, shaker, or mill before tasting the food is an insult to the chef, as you are basically saying that you presume the food to be bland. Also try to always pass the salt and pepper at as set and not separately.
Dilemmas
If food becomes stuck in your teeth do not use a toothpick or your finger to dislodge it. Try drinking some water. If that doesn’t work, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
Should you find a bug, hair, and other object in your food, be discrete and remove it without saying a word - of course, you need not finish your course. If you happen to spill something don’t make a large production of it, apologise quietly to your host. In the case of dropped silverware: leave it on the floor; the waiter will get it later. Quietly ask him/her for a clean utensil.
Common courtesies
Olives with pits: if you put the food in your mouth with your fingers, you must take it out with your fingers. Lay the stone on the edge of your bread plate. When you squeeze a lemon make sure you hold your hand over and around it as you squeeze to shield others from squirting juices. Lastly, when picking grapes do not pull them individually from the stem, rather break or cut a stem of grapes from the bunch.
Digestion
You may be full and satiated and your trousers may even be feeling like they need some loosening but hold yourself together. Do not ever push your chair back and cross your legs as this is the epitome of bad manners. Always stay well seated with both feet on the ground and do not light up your smokes before others have finished.
Thank yous
Thank you notes are never out of place, since they are a nice way to acknowledge an individual’s thoughtfulness or consideration. They should be brief and written on business (or other appropriate) stationery with a matching envelope. Send one within one week, and write it by hand – don’t worry it can be brief.
