Taking stock of my friends and their relationships recently, I found a perplexing balance. Besides trips to the spa and fastidious grooming rituals, the lads seemed more and more to be losing ground in the battle of the sexes. Some had become entirely beholden to their other halves, attending to their wants and needs exclusively. Others were struggling with the idea that their ladies were better employed and earning more than they were. And tragically, some had found themselves on the receiving end of messy divorces. But tellingly, it seemed that the trouble stemmed from a lack of the get-up-and-go spark; drive, ambition and dare I say it, the alpha factor, were often quoted as the missing ingredient in each equation. So had has something changed? Was this a fundamental symptom of men in the new century?
A little research seems to suggest so. From blogs and sex columns to chat shows and books, women declared that their men had become too soft. Where women once complained of chauvinism, they now wished their men to be like their emery boards; a little smooth with a little rough. Cosmo offered a debate on a hormone spray that would make men more sensitive. One reader replied, “If my man was any more sensitive he would be me.” Another stated, “My boyfriend is already the ‘woman’ in the relationship. He definitely does not need this.” When womandom complains that we’ve become too girly, it’s time to get off the Pilates ball and take note.
Several reasons abound. Some theorists suggest that Feminism is to blame. The argument goes as follows: due to traditional male dominance through the ages, women’s clamour for equal rights has taken centre stage in progressive societies around the world; so much so that the role of the traditional male has become antithetical to the idea of social evolution. “While women were encouraged to embrace their gender’s new found strengths, we were made to feel guilty about being blokey,” says Dave Besley of The Daily Mail. If that doesn’t convince you that something’s up, not only are there several books on the subject, but Rutgers University recently set up a Male Studies Foundation to study the damaging effect of Feminism of American masculinity.
Another popular argument is that the feminisation of men is the fault of advertisers. The global market for men’s grooming products and services has exploded beyond recognition; tripling in some markets such as the UK. Supermarkets and pharmacies today stock skin whiteners, concealers, facial stress relievers and home kits for massages and pedicures – all for men. “It could be argued, that it was a sort of liberation for a young man to be able to preen, primp, shop and generally fanny about as shamelessly as any woman,” says Terence Blacker in The Independent. “But now…it is time for us all to grow up and admit that this tag has become an advertiser's ploy.”
Whatever theory you subscribe to, we have no one to blame but ourselves. Getting in touch with our feminine side, in whatever the manifestation, doesn’t require forsaking testosterone-fuelled pursuits. Whether that’s going to the pub or going fishing with the lads, men ought to get out there and do what comes naturally to them. To follow one example from an online forum, women aren’t exactly throwing out their Manolos and mascara for PS3s and Man United season tickets. If it’s good for the goose...
