Now, we’ve all heard of and – hopefully – fought against the stigmas formerly attached to certain social groups, the majority of which have thankfully been banished to the black bin bag of history (with the possible exception of people in advertising) but it seems nobody really thinks about the only children of the world. These afflicted individuals are already forced to bring themselves up without brotherly (or sisterly) shoulders for support and now find themselves on the sharp end of scorn.
Just the other week, Facebook was awash with the delightful news that it was ‘Siblings Day’ and digital walls were strewn with sun-bleached photographs of cherubic children holding hands and looking stupid. Amid all the accompanying declarations of adoration, was anyone out there thinking of those unable to celebrate the multiple results of parental procreation? Alas not. Despite living, supposedly, in an age of tolerance that embraces diversity, nobody has thought to introduce an ‘Only Child Day’.
So while this issue may seek to celebrate those successful, entrepreneurial, creative, influential and – above all else - large families, I dedicate this column to ensuring that we don’t ignore the forgotten brother and sister-less few, those who, like myself, were left to fend for themselves without someone to blame for accidentally holding a party the weekend the house was empty.
Now, you might argue that in the mind of the only child, every single day of the year is ‘Only Child Day’, simply because we’re self-centred brats. While it may be true that our early years were spent without being forced to share attention, bedroom space or toys, few have stopped to consider the hardships that can befall only children later in life, especially when said parents start to lose the plot - something that has no doubt limited the number of only child success stories.
Elvis may be considered the King of Rock and Roll, but he’s probably worthy of a few more accolades given that he managed to ascend to this mighty throne without a brother or sister around to listen to his Mum repeat the same story about her neighbours over and over again. Frank Sinatra, too, is worthy of a bit more respect, having climbed to twinkling heights without a sibling to help explain to his Dad how those new fangled television things worked several hundred times over. Then there’s Tiger Woods but well, probably best we leave that one alone.
Looking elsewhere, internationally renowned only children are pretty hard to find. Has there ever been an only child at the head of the UN, for example? No and probably because only those with siblings could find someone to help their parents empty the garage on the day of the UN Secretary General exam.
The modern age is likely to see the sibling-less squeezed out further from society’s top tiers, with the growing dominance of the internet leading to ever-increasing numbers of bewildered parents requiring technical assistance from their only sons or daughters.
For reasons known only to herself, my mother recently decided she needed a Smartphone (she didn’t) and, as such, I’ve just spent the best part of four days attempting to describe what an app is, struggling to discover her email password to set it up and futilely trying to explain why angrily jabbing the touchscreen probably isn’t the best approach. What I’d have given to have had a brother or sister there to take over before the twentieth scream of “why has it done that!?!”
So as we sit here rejoicing in the wonders of siblings as a source of moral support and inspiration, please spare a second to consider the trials and tribulations faced by those forced to go it alone. And next time you’re squabbling with an only child and find yourself on the losing side, please do forget the underhand guaranteed victory tactic I mentioned before. Ok?
