1. “It’s not you, you’re lovely, it’s vile Richard” — There’s a scene in the rom-com Bridget Jones’ Diary where Bridget takes a call from her friend Jude, who is locked in the bathroom at work, crying over her boyfriend. Bridget, being the good friend she is, tells Jude that “it’s not you, you’re lovely, it’s vile Richard”. Back in the real world, there is a (momentary) take-home message in film: don’t blame yourself, you are lovely. Now read that part again and say it out loud. Own the loveliness. It feels good. Ice-cream-in-July good. Keep saying it and you’ll find that you come to believe it. There’s a good reason for that: it’s true.
2. Remember your good qualities— Instead of focusing time and energy on ‘shortcomings’, put that energy towards reminding yourself of your strengths. I like to do a balancing act. Every time an evil little thought of failure or doubt creeps into my mind, I quickly remind myself of things I can do well. We’re constantly bombarded with messages of inadequacy. Take some time to remind yourself that you are more than adequate, you are stellar!
3. “Je ne regrette rien” — Take a cue from old Edith and leave the past in the past. Dwelling on what did or did not happen won’t change the present. You are where you are, now go from there. Looking back only focuses your attention on what you don’t have or on what didn’t happen. Instead, reflect on what you do have. Being grateful and happy about your present is much better than being regretful and sad about the past.
4. Move it— That’s right, when the blues start calling, it’s time to move. Movement releases serotonin, a natural hormone that can boost your mood. Personally, I like to crank up ‘Bust A Move’ by Young MC or ‘Bama Lama Bama Loo’ by Little Richard - there’s something about those two songs that just makes me jump up and well, bust a move. You’d be surprised at how much a little shakin’ can boost your spirits. And if dancing isn’t your thing, try stretching, yoga, the gym, or a brisk walk. Just get out and move.
5. BFF Yourself — A friend once gave me priceless advice; “you can either be your own best friend or your worst enemy. It’s up to you. But you are your toughest critic.” Those words have stuck with me ever since and every time I begin to destructively focus on my faults and shortcomings I think to myself, ‘What would my best friend say in this situation?’ Probably none of the mean things I’m thinking myself. Try treating yourself as your best friend would. Be good, be kind, be supportive of yourself and all that you are. Treat yourself to something nice, as a friend might. Remind yourself of your accomplishments and strengths. Turn a frustrating situation into a joke. Be your own best friend. There are enough people in this world who will try to bring you down—you don’t need to be one of them.
